UGH! Its so hard. I feel unwanted in some manners. I reach out to show my love and compassion yet get nothing in return. It sucks.
I guess I will just stick it out and see how it goes :/ which freaking sucks.
Shortest blog yet..
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
So easy to write on paper.
Why is it that writing your feelings are so much easier than expressing them to someone in a healthy way?
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Worry
So it has been awhile since I have posted. Here is an update since my last post.
1. Almost died from E Coli in my right kidney. I was in ICU for a week.
2. Work is going great!
3. BACK IN CHURCH!! :)
4. Have wonderful friends at that church.
5. I have an AMAZING boyfriend, Brendan. Whom I am sooo blessed to have.
Okay, so here is what is weighing in on my heart. I have come to see a lot of faults in my life right now. I am spending WAYYY to much time on Facebook, soo, I am deleting it tomorow. It is taking all of my attention away from my relationship with Brendan, taking focus away from work, and just ridiculous that I am always checking it for the next piece of drama for my entertainment. To be honest, it ruins relationships, friendships, and hell its just childish. I notice that I am constantly posting about what I am doing. Well, why does the world need to know that? So I am deleting it. People know how to get a hold of me so if they want to remain in contact, they know where to get at me.
My next flaw, I worry toooooo damn much. I worry what if people are mad at me, if I am accepted. Well, WHO GIVES A DAMN.
This past weekend Brendan was on a fishing trip with his father for his dad's birthday. I wasn't aware of this. I hadn't heard from him and got worried. "Was he hurt?""Was he mad at me?""I hope he is safe" I was worrying like no other, so I called and texted him. I should if took a step back and been like "Brendan is a 21 year old grown man, he is fine, if he was mad at me I know that he doesn't just ignore people" He isn't the kind of guy to ignore someone if he was mad at them. I should of remembered that and just had faith.
I received a text from him tonight basically saying that he was on a fishing trip and there was no reason for me to blow up his phone.........he was right. Because I let my fear and doubts get in the way, there is tension now. And I am kicking my ass for this.
I just have things to work on. I need to focus on the better in life and keep my eye on the positive and keep positive thoughts in my head.
My thoughts for the night. I am getting tired, so I will post more tomorrow.
Night y'all.
1. Almost died from E Coli in my right kidney. I was in ICU for a week.
2. Work is going great!
3. BACK IN CHURCH!! :)
4. Have wonderful friends at that church.
5. I have an AMAZING boyfriend, Brendan. Whom I am sooo blessed to have.
Okay, so here is what is weighing in on my heart. I have come to see a lot of faults in my life right now. I am spending WAYYY to much time on Facebook, soo, I am deleting it tomorow. It is taking all of my attention away from my relationship with Brendan, taking focus away from work, and just ridiculous that I am always checking it for the next piece of drama for my entertainment. To be honest, it ruins relationships, friendships, and hell its just childish. I notice that I am constantly posting about what I am doing. Well, why does the world need to know that? So I am deleting it. People know how to get a hold of me so if they want to remain in contact, they know where to get at me.
My next flaw, I worry toooooo damn much. I worry what if people are mad at me, if I am accepted. Well, WHO GIVES A DAMN.
This past weekend Brendan was on a fishing trip with his father for his dad's birthday. I wasn't aware of this. I hadn't heard from him and got worried. "Was he hurt?""Was he mad at me?""I hope he is safe" I was worrying like no other, so I called and texted him. I should if took a step back and been like "Brendan is a 21 year old grown man, he is fine, if he was mad at me I know that he doesn't just ignore people" He isn't the kind of guy to ignore someone if he was mad at them. I should of remembered that and just had faith.
I received a text from him tonight basically saying that he was on a fishing trip and there was no reason for me to blow up his phone.........he was right. Because I let my fear and doubts get in the way, there is tension now. And I am kicking my ass for this.
I just have things to work on. I need to focus on the better in life and keep my eye on the positive and keep positive thoughts in my head.
My thoughts for the night. I am getting tired, so I will post more tomorrow.
Night y'all.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)